Communication, Water for the Soul

Moishe House Los Angeles is in the process of entering our second blessed month of living together and providing a public hermitage for a large, dynamic, and progressive Los Angeles Jewish Community. Needless to say that we are still going through the growing pains of learning to live together, learning to learn together, and learning to work together. As much as we portray and evoke the imagery of a happy village, this definitely isn’t Smurf Village (although we do sing a lot of songs and continuously elude Gargamel with success). One of the bigger challenges we have faced is the delineation of tasks before, during, and after an event, as well as the tasks associated with daily house upkeep.

What we have noticed is that there has been a natural/organic creation of roles in the house. For instance, whenever we have an event at our house that involves cooking for a good number of people, it’s safe to assume that Leo and Benjie are going to be cooking. Why, they love to cook, are much better at it than me, and always cook up something marvelous…I mean these guys actually use measuring cups to make sure the appropriate amount of ingredients are included in the recipe, whereas I just throw stuff in a pot until it smells good. Other roles that have just been naturally taken on include correspondence, like writing a blog, preparing a calendar, and reaching out within and outside of the community, house maintenance, and internet support.

A potential challenge that may arise from the delineation of natural roles is ensuring that the person undertaking a said role(s) does not become burned out with it. Sure Benjie and Leo love to cook, but maybe they might not want to for one Shabbat, and maybe someone else does. There are certainly other examples when a certain member may feel that they are taking on a role too frequently, or not frequently enough. To this I say, the only entity on the planet earth more necessary for human survival than water is communication. A simple question or inquiry goes a very long way, especially when living with four other dynamic, overt, and very “Jewish” personalities. A potential adverse effect resulting from the lack of communication is passive aggressive resentment, one of the worst poisons afflicting an otherwise healthy social cohesion. Having regular meetings to discuss house dynamics and to air out grievances in a controlled and honest setting yields open communication and the chance to ask each other questions about our roles and if we need help with them, or need them altered. That being said, it’s imperative to be conscious of the modus operandi of our communication, especially when communicating conflict, lest we potentially find ourselves dealing with the conflict of communication rather than the conflict itself. For instance, it may do well to avoid “bi-conditional” statements such as, “if this continues then this will happen,” rather than statements that leave a more favorable aftertaste, such as the aftertaste of resolution. Bi-conditional statements may have the effect of sounding enjoining, rather than offering variables for conflict resolution.

The natural, organic delineation of work roles in the house is a blessing. That said, even blessings need maintenance in order to remain positive elements of our daily lives as individuals as well as a collective with an individual mission. As we enter the Holy Chagim when we are charged with asking ourselves some rather epochal questions, perhaps a reoccurring question should be one of communication. How effective have we communicated with ourselves and our community, and how can we perpetually improve upon personal and social communication.

From all at MoHoLA, L’Shana Tova and Gemar Chatimah Tovah

Love and Light

MoHoLA