Yum Yum

Ever get the yum yum without the boom boom? Different than shukling while davening, different than orgasming while f*$@ing, and even slightly different than having a house in Cambodia, yum yum without a boom boom is like instant, random bliss. This is kind of what my last month has been like. Kind of. A month ago, I, still vasking in my post-Moishe-Santa-Barbara-retreat-seeing-the-LA-House-painting-with-a-Squire-added-dild* glow, flew to the fine city of Baltimore, MD for the Hillel International Staff Conference. Did you know that Hillel is international? That's right, there are Hillel's in the Former Soviet Union (cutely called the FSU), Argentina, Uraguay (no Moishe wasn't first), Chile, Israel, and yes, even (though not quite international), Canada.

I attended sessions featuring JDUB and PresenTense and Guilt & Pleasure, some of the more innovative Jewish projects in North America right now. I sang songs (Moishe House Retreat Kabbalat Shabbat style) with Reconstructionist, Orthodox, Hiloni, Reform, Unaffiliated, Daati, Secular, Conservative, Renewal, Transdenominational, Post-Denominational, Culinary, and Just Jews. I met interesting people like Rabbi Yonah from Jewlicious who directs the Hillel at Long Beach and was homies with Shlomo Carlebach. He told me what guitar to buy if I want to learn some Jew-tunes.

After staff conference I traveled to the Great State of Florida. I will only refer to this fine wasteland sarcastically as GSF from now forward. My family happens to live in GSF. I still ask them, every time I go, why they are still there. See, we moved there when I was in 10th grade, back in good 'ol 1994 - you know...pre-Myspace. I finished high school as a band nerd at a public school where we didn't have snow days, only hurricane days and half days due to bomb scares (suburban kids are bored). And, while I left right after college (the only thing good about GSF is the University of Florida Gators, the only team in the 5767 years of history to hold both the national championship in basketball and american football), my parents have stayed and continue to sweat every day of the year. I get pneumonia everytime I visit because of the dichotomy of humid heat to air conditioning. Anyway, I went there this time with my sweetheart, Ariel and she met the fam (not the fockers) for the first time.

It went swell. It was a busy (emotionally) time because as I was introducing Ariel to my parents, they were introducing me to their new sweeties, my mom to her Syrian-Jew-Jdate-friend, Sid, and my dad to his Gentile-Cat Breeding-commitment ring-business partner and lover, Wayne. Yes, Wayne is gender male. Yes, my dad is gay.

I saw my grandparents and we went to see the Pursuit of Happyness (sic). Will Smith has a moment of yum yum without any boom boom in the film, and it is so good that you almost feel it with him. But not quite.

10 days in Israel culminated my month long tour of yum. I staffed a bus of 18-26 year old Israel virgins with Israel Outdoors for birthright israel. Everytime I do that I remember why I say I hate staffing birthright trips. I mean, free trip to Israel is pretty hard to beat, but I'll take my chances next time (well, actually, I am most likely staffing a trip in June that guarantees to be better than this past trip). I got sick (as did most of the participants) and came home to Seattle last week ill, tired, disoriented (a month just went by? for real?), and not wanting to work. I went to work for a day, called in sick a day, took an already scheduled vacation day, and went away for the weekend...to staff a Reconstructionist youth movement retreat. I liked it.

It snowed again last night and that brings us to now. Thanks for listening. If it wasn't for this blog I would have been holding all this inside and as a result, might have gone boom boom without any yum yum. Baruch HaShem for Moishe House. I look forward to feeling like I actually live here again.