Sitting by the fire

Here I am. I'm laying down in fornt of a fire with my dog at my side. Ahhh, how sweet life is. As I begin this new year I think about my life and where I am. Just a year ago I was almost killed in a car accident so it's especially interesting to reflect on the past year. I have somehow managed to raise myself into one hell of a life. I live in a beautiful house with an adorable dog and slightly less adorable roommates. I have a great job that allows me to get paid to try and make the world a better place. My parents are both healthy and a part of my life. I have wonderful friends who even if they are not all close by, there's always the cell. Life is good.
So why do I feel like shit so much of the time.
It's not that I feel bad all the time, but more than I would expect considering the life I just described. I've been thinking about this a lot in the last month or so and I think I've found an answer. Of course not THE answer, who knows what that is but at least something to work on. I have done a really good job at growing a life around me that is great. But when was the last time that I put the same amount of energy that I put into my friends/family, job, house, into myself. I think it's been a while. It's been a while since I've taken action to learn something new. It's been ages since I practiced my Ukulele. I used to do scukpture and ceramics but now that seems to be a thing of the past. I'm 12 pages into writing the next great American Novel, but I haven't writen in months. The answer is to take in it inward.
Step one.
NO TV!!!!!!
TV sucks me away from anything productive and fulfilling. I'm setting stern rules for myself on tv usage. TV only when the sun is down. If the sun is up, there are better things to be doing.
Step Two.
NO POT!!!!
Kinda. It's just too easy to come home a take a hit to relax. This single act is not a bad thing at all but when it starts happening everyday... productivity goes way down. At the retreat I had a great talk with Margie about Shabbat. I was trying to understand why she observed Shabbat o the extent that she did. Although i had no interest in following her in the way she does Shabbat her points on keeping a day seperate and sacred really hit home. Where am I going with this? POT ONLY ON THE SHABBAS. Sacreligious? Maybe... Bradilicious? Definitely! I've been doing it for a few weeks and it's great! Gives me a solid reason to say no when an offer is made during the week (It's true I can be weak to peer presure) and it makes it a special, even spiritual experience on my typically lazy Saturday.
Step Three.
LEARN!!!
Just because I'm not in school doesn't give me the excuse to stop learning. Whenever anyone says, "what's up?" I want to be able to say, "I just learned about..." or "I'm checking out this new poet who..." or "Holla!" The latter I say quite often but the others are rare. I'm gonna start small just to make sure I actually do it. Monday-Wednesday I have Brady School for one hour a day. I can learn about anything. the point is just that I am putting time aside to learn and doing it. It'll be like a learning free write. In a free write you can write about anything. The only rule is that your pencil can't leave the page. Same thing only my brain can't leave the facts.
Step Four.
GET BETTER AT STUFF
I don't have the timing worked out yet but I need some hours devoted to getting better at stuff. Wether it's ukulele, writing, tennis, whatever... it don't matter. The point is to feel better as a human being so anything will do the trick.
Step Five.
EXERCISE
I get winded if I sprint for one city block... gross.
Step Six.
TALK ABOUT IT
Ah ha! you are all part of this very important step! It's easy to let yourself off the hook. To forget the promises you made to yourself. But it's a whole different thing when you're letting other people down too. I'm telling you all what my plans are so that I can have the fear of being called on my shit to help me live these steps out. When you talk to me I don't want you to ask me about this and have to admit that i totally failed at it and am watching tv all the time and doing nothing. This will help keep me on track.

Ha! And I was going to write about my trip to Cambodia. Well I guess this is what needed to come out. You all are great and I hope we get to have another retreat soon.
Fun is Fun
Brady
East bay